I don't particularily believe in anything that might be called God and I don't consider myself religious, but I think I've always had some kind of belief in something that can be called basic human decency. I've felt that the majority of people I encounter are nice when you get to know them a bit.

Just as it is for most people, there have been times when my belief has been shaken throughout the years. In some cases I have felt that someone really wants to hurt me personally, that I have been the target of verbal and sometimes physical aggression. In these cases it has certainly been difficult to get away and my only way of coping has been to set up as many boundaries as I can. Lately I've learned that speaking about things openly is perhaps the best defence of them all. In other cases, I have felt that people don't target me because of who I am, but rather because of who they are. Something, their ambitions, their ego or perhaps something else, is driving them to the extent that they only see me as a hurdle that must be overcome. They don't see me as a human being, only as a rival. Talking about this is slightly more difficult, since it involves describing things that are often more diffuse, but, again, talking about it seems to be the best way to deal with this as well.

It makes me really sad when these things happen, but I have become better at standing up for myself and, as indicated above, also better at exposing these types of behaviour. I'm not scared as easily anymore. But I do get scars. It shakes my belief in the idea that human beings are nice deep down and subsequently it makes it more difficult to trust. It takes longer and longer for me to decide if I should trust someone and this worries me, because if I feel like this there are no doubt other people who feel like this as well.

In fact, we need more trust in our world, not less. Our society gets worse simply because people don't trust each other. Research has indeed shown that the lack of trust leads to a more polarized and unstable community. Nevertheless, right now it's rather difficult for me to really believe in happy endings, but I will try to think of other people's cynicism or malice merely as a sign of their lack of trust. Perhaps it thereby gets a bit easier to handle. Having said that, I also need to stress that I'm definitely not in favour of blind trust, but we do need to find ways to reverse the growing cynicism and violence in the world and close the gap between people. I know I'm just me, one single person, but, perhaps, if there are more people thinking like this, and recognizing this as important, we might be able to make a difference.

Or perhaps it's just me wanting to trust in something.