Some peace and quiet. Serenity. Ease. Nothing to worry about. Aaaah... wishful thinking!

No, it won't happen until summer, but now the hotels have been booked both in Amsterdam and Tongeren and it feels really good. We expect to drive around a bit as well and I'm sure we'll stop by in Antwerpen and other cities. Since the cities are pretty close, I'm sure there will be quite a few chances for seeing many things we haven't even thought of yet.

Images from Anita's Home, Only in Holland, and My Hometown Antwerpen.

We've decided. I've just booked a hotel room at Hotel Eburon in Belgian Tongeren. Perhaps it's a bit premature. We still don't know what the situation will be in the upcoming summer. But I do hope things will work out.

My partner is in a rather difficult situation where he has been laid off from work and the lay-off period is pretty long (actually until August or September). It is usually custom to let people go and find other jobs (which would decrease the time the company has to pay his wages) but that has not happened, so he's spending most of his time at work doing nothing. In March he has probably spent an hour or an hour and a half on tasks that has been assigned to him by his manager. The rest of the time he just have to keep himself busy, but he still can't look for work elsewhere from there, and we don't know what the future will look like.

I'm in a bit more "safe" situation at my work, but the work environment is extremely bad, mainly because a few people are trying to gain advantages by shutting everyone else out of the decision process. There has been no balancing leadership to speak of and now we have been forced to address these issues directly. A few of us have spoken up, talked to managers on a higher level, decided to be frank about things that have been happening for the last 18 months or so. It's difficult and we don't know for sure what it might lead to.

I think that I, by looking for vacation spots, have been trying to decide things for myself, if only to be able to actually make decisions. I'm tired of uncertainty. T. points out, however, that booking the hotel and planning our trip can not be taken for granted either. I know he's right, but wish he wasn't. I need something fun to look forward to. Badly.

Image from Reisreporter.be.

When T. and I began discussing possible holiday cities, I suggested Amsterdam pretty early on. I haven't been there in many, many years and thought it might be interesting to go there again. T. then suggested Antwerp or Bruge and our thoughts subsequently turned to Belgium. Today I also looked a bit at Luxemburg. Perhaps a holiday with a few stops actually might be a good idea.

Today, I began searching for hotels and I was lucky to find an entire chain in Belgium that looked really nice. I just can't decide which hotel I like the best. Carbon, above, is situated in the small city of Genk near Maastricht in Belgium, and Eburon can be found in a beautiful, old monastery in a town nearby, Belgium's oldest city Tongeren, with a history that dates back to the Roman Empire. Which one do you like the best?



All images can be found at Different Hotels.

We're usually travelling quite a lot, partly because of work and partly because we live apart. The sad thing about all this is that we seldom have the time to go on these wonderfully romantic long weekend getaways.

In 2007, we spent a few days on our own in Paris, however, and last summer we decided to take my in-laws and sister-in-law and her husband with us to Berlin. We had an absolutely marvellous time. Lately, I've begun to think about where we could go next. Any suggestions?

It was actually snowing this morning and I was extremely disappointed. No more winter, thank you very much! It's prehaps symptomatic that I began looking for summer clothes at lunch today, and I seem to have a blue period. I completely fell for these two dresses from Danish Vila. Usually, I'm not particularly fond of 80s clothes, but I do like the "borrowing your boyfriend's clothes" trend. (And I actually do borrow my partner's clothes at times.) This oversized blazer with rolled-up sleeves (also from Vila) and the XXXL white shirt (from H&M) are good examples.

I just thought I'd share an image from this morning when I treated myself to a late, but very nice breakfast. The kiwis tasted so good!

Late yesterday afternoon, out of the blue, we received a phone call from my son's dentist asking whether it was possible for us to come this morning for the yearly check-up. There had been a cancellation and a slot was free. My son is far better at this dentist business than I am myself. (I've been through some pretty horrible experiences in a dentist's chair.) We quickly decided that we could and at 9 am I picked him up from gym class.

I was so proud of my son when the dentist gave him complements on his teeth and said she wouldn't need to see him until autumn 2010.

Image found at die meschuggene mischpoke.

To my great surprise I managed to get hold of world famous photographer Lennart Nilsson's 300-page photo book Livet on sale at a really affordable price, and of course I bought it. His amazing photographs of the "universe within" have — well-deservedly — been awarded prize after prize, and, flipping through the pages, I can only bow my head in awe.

Photos from Bokförlaget Max Ström and SvD Online.

I've been working all day and I've actually managed to come up with pretty detailed ideas for two new projects, which I'm very excited about. I intend to put them into writing in the next few days, but it's enough for today now. It's time to relax...

This photo was taken by the ocean on one of those lazy, sunny days. It's a good image and a good feeling.

"Sunrise, sunrise... looks like morning in your eyes" (Norah Jones).

A sunny morning helps remove last night's bad memories. Life goes on. Fortunately.

I read an interview with "Kate Brennan" in The Guardian last week. Brennan, who writes under pseudonym, has just released her memoires called Stalked in Europe. (The American version is called In His Sights.) Brennan describes her puzzlement, anger and finally fear when she realises that the man, with whom she has just ended a two-year relationship, has begun to follow her every move and is even paying other people to "keep an eye on her." She is finally forced to move around in her efforts to get away from this man, but sooner or later he is back on track and he shows that he is by paying people to break into her house, tapping her phone or doing other things that throw her off guard (such as moving in next door). This type of behaviour still continues after 15 years.

To me, Brennan's tale is disturbing on several levels. I, too, was in a similar relationship, although my ex-husband didn't have the means to pursue me the way Brennan's former partner does. I recognize the attempts to gain control and power, however. I remember him following me around, not allowing me to be alone, to think for myself, at any time. I remember him hitting, pulling or shoving me when I didn't do as he wanted. I remember finding the phone bank linked to my private account closed since "somebody" had failed to come up with my password too many times. I remember being yelled at and threatened on the phone. (He said he would take my children away from me.) I remember him interrogating first me, then the children as well as my parents about people I might be seeing or things I was doing. I remember many things.

It actually took me years to create geographical and psychological distance to this man. Unfortunately, as the father of my children, he still can't be completely removed from my life, but I can try to minimize the knowledge he has about my life. I can stop him from calling me and only allow e-mail correspondence (anything in writing can be saved and be used as evidence if the need arise). I try to make sure that the children are safe, and I know they would tell me if anything bad happens. What I have realised and what people in general need to realise is that this kind of behaviour has nothing to do with love. It's about control and the wish to gain power over somebody else. What I find most appalling is how I changed my way of behaving and thinking. My goal became to try to read his mind in an attempt to ward off attacks or at least getting prepared. I came to see it as my responsibility to make sure that he didn't get angry. As a consequence, it, of course, became my fault if he then did. To get out of that kind of thinking takes a while. It also took a while to realise that not everyone is like him, that there are people who actually are trustworthy, people I can talk to and lean on.

I'm thinking of reading Brennan's book, but I'm not sure if I'm up to it even though almost ten years have passed since my divorce. My own memories are bad and tales like Brennan's still haunt me. But I've learned that openness and honesty helps, as does love. Unlike Kate Brennan, I'm so lucky to be in a really good relationship with a really amazing man.

My partner has just left again. It's working day tomorrow and he had to go, even though none of us wanted to part. Let's hope he makes the six-hour journey back safely.

I stay busy contemplating flowers at the moment. T. gave me beautiful white tulips yesterday and I have some amazing bright yellow daffodils on our bedroom window sill. The green chrysanthemum above has already wilted away, but I still enjoy the photos I took of it a week ago. Let's keep it simple now. Let the flowers work their magic.

It's really amazing to see the remnants of old cultures. Yesterday, T. and I were out driving and we decided to take a look at some bronze age petroglyphs in the vicinity. We were totally blown away by the sheer amount of petroglyphs over a comparatively small area, and the excellent craftmanship was evident in many of them. The petroglyph above has been described as a (god-like?) man evoking the gods on a ship with a crew.

Early in the morning. The sun is rising behind the almost black trees. I suddenly see a magpie couple building their nest among the branches. I'm happy to see life continuing and look forward to seeing their offspring later on.

This is what it looked like last spring and I'm so looking forward to seeing something similar this year. While waiting for that I decided to create a new spring design for my website. I still keep it simple, but I've added an element of spring-like green as well as a zen-inspired formation I arranged from pebbles found on the beach. Perhaps they can help increase my feeling of serenity and help me hang in there until spring arrives for real.

The font is called "Print Clearly" and "Print Dashed."

I'm thinking about changing the blog design a bit again, and on my lunch I spent some time searching for a new font. A free one. I found this font library, dafont.com, which is full of really good — and free — fonts and I have to say that I'm impressed by the work these designers have put in.

Let's see what I come up with regarding this blog...

I like candy. A lot. Probably far too much for my own good. But when I found this organic candy from Sjölunda gård at Coop Forum, made from pure fruit juice and eco-friendly unrefined sugar, I felt that in this case it was perhaps not so bad. Okay. Yeah, yeah... I guess I'm trying to kid myself.

But don't they look nice? They taste really good as well.

I've been fascinated by these flowers for years. My mother has several, my mother-in-law and her mother too, and I myself have two of them (that unfortunately aren't in a very good shape, but that's another thing... they still manage to bloom now and then). Mainly I'm intrigued by their shapes and colours and I tend to take lots and lots of pictures of them.

This one looks like a girl holding out her arms, all ready to give you a hug. I like that.

Today's lunch: Fish, rice and vegetables. Simple, but tasty. It feels as if I could eat this over and over again.

Leaving is difficult. Seeing him leave is difficult. The day after parting is always the worst day. The contrast between being together and being apart is simply too big, and getting used to being on my own doesn't feel like a very nice option. Annoying... although I do know that things will change, that we won't live apart forever.

In Caroline Hofberg's cook book Marocko på ett fat I found a recipe for lemon preserve containing lemon, salt, bay leaves and cinnamon. I've never tasted anything like it before, but it sounds interesting and I decided to try it out. It's supposed to be kept at room temperature for at least four weeks before opening the huge glass jar. Right now I'm curious and can't wait to taste it. I'll keep you posted.

My oldest son was promised a bike as a combined Christmas and birthday present, but, since there aren't that many bikes around at that time of year, we decided to wait for spring before buying it. Now spring has arrived and we have bought the bike. Let's hope he will be able to enjoy it for years to come.

I work from home about 80% of my time and I usually don't have time to make lunch every day, but I often take something ready-made from the freezer to heat quickly in the microwave oven. It has always been made by me or my partner, though, so it is proper home-made cooking, but we usually get left-overs and this time it was pasta and my own version of the carbonara sauce. Together with a large glass of milk (which I love) and a wonderful orange it turned out to be the perfect lunch.

Sometimes living apart is especially difficult and last night was such a moment. It's when I feel like screaming "I want you to be here NOW!" and I guess I do at times. In my heart of hearts I know it doesn't make things easier, but sometimes I just have to say it out loud. The hearts above were his response.

In the middle of laundry, shopping and a bunch other things I decided to try out a vegetarian dish that tasted really good: Fried beetroot and potato with feta cheese.

They were quite easy to make even though my hands turned all red. :) I found the recipe at Allt om Mat. I think it could actually work really well together with fish, and Allt om Mat suggest a spicy sausage or grilled chicken to make it a whole dinner.

I admit that T. was right on one point at least (which does not mean that I'm admitting to any of the other things he called me), I was indeed mixing spice.

I really love Moroccan food and one of the most famous spice mixes is the ras-el-hanout with between ten and a hundred different ingredients, and for which each family has their own favourite recipe. Right now I'm making a chicken casserole flavoured with ras-el-hanout which we will eat with rice. (It could as easily have been couscous, but rice it is this time.)

The recipe for the ras-el-hanout was taken from Caroline Hofberg's beautiful Marocko på ett fat (Morocco on a plate).

I'm apparently an "analysing-spicemixing-cakebaking-chocolateloving woman" according to my darling T. And he ends his definition of me with a kiss. Not sure what to make of it, but I know I love him. Happy Saturday!

I just felt like baking a cake the other day and since I first saw the recipe of this peach and almond cake I have wanted to try it out. Even my oldest son, who usually hates almonds, loved it (please notice the verb in past tense). Yes, it's already gone. And yes, it was really nice. I think I will have to make a new one. Soon.

The remake project I talked about earlier has at least begun. I've finished the big lamp now and it actually looks pretty good.