Having had a, by now, four-year experience of living with teenager(s), I have to admit that I don't find it that bad. There are occasional flare-ups of course, but in general things have been working out quite amicably.

What brought this up is the plans our 17-year-old has made for the first week of his summer holiday. He started his planning early and been careful to discuss things with everyone involved (including us, although we're not directly involved in his plans), to order all the things needed, buy tickets and everything. He and a friend of his are supposed to go visit a third friend and stay in their tent (as planned by that young man) for a few nights while they make a movie. The problem is as follows: one set of parents seem to be happy to let their son deal with it while setting a few boundaries, while the other set of parents basically has taken over the planning from their son, completely disregarding and disrespecting his previous decisions, efforts and the money that has been spent (and not for the first time). As a result, his plans as well as the plans of the two other boys have been turned upside down.

Our stance has been that we feel safe with what our son has planned and that we in general regard him as thoughtful, thorough, and pretty grown-up. I personally don't believe that these traits develop unless teenagers are allowed to take responsibility. Our son might make smaller mistakes once in a while, but making these will hopefully teach him to do things right the next time, and if something is unclear he knows that we're only a phone call away. In our view, he's almost an adult and he needs some training in how to behave like one.

We don't know what will happen now, but it would be really sad if what they have planned for won't take place. Communication is really an issue here, as is the level of faith placed in your teenager. It's clear that everyone does not agree on the same levels of control and the results of a lack of communication also becomes evident. Simultaneously, there is some pressure on myself to conform and apply stricter rules, but that is not what I fundamentally want. In the end I think that would be detrimental to the respectful relationship we have with our son. We do urge him to be careful and not to do stupid things, and he is as aware of any potential risk as he can be, but I really don't think you should lock a teenager in or decide things for him or her. Our son has to get the opportunity to use his own head — with us as a back-up and support.

The image was borrowed from North Shore Times.