A necessary evil for some, I'm sure, but it wasn't that bad for me today. A simple electronic signature and I was done. It has been a great day in other ways as well. I managed to get a work project up and running and the weather has been great. We have also Spring-cleaned our balcony and we are really looking forward to spending more time there soon.

I have to admit that I'm not exactly a fan of Valentine's day, at least not if that involves buying presents or arranging dinners at "romantic" restaurants. I do love it when T. and I eat at nice restaurants — and yes, I do like presents ;) — and to go off on a weekend getaway, but what I like the most is probably when we do this because we feel like it there and then. I really want for it to be spontaneous... not something we do just because it's February 14.

In Sweden Valentine's day is called "all hearts' day" and this has sparked an alternative way of viewing this day. The focus is on heart disease research and in time for "all hearts' day" Hjärt-lungfonden (the heart and lung foundation) usually launches one of their big campaigns to encourage people to give whatever they can to help fund research in this area. Personally, I find this far more worthy and I think I will support them this year. For this blog post I'll let Pamela Love's human heart necklaces symbolize it all.

I got in touch with an old friend of mine today (and no, it's not us in the picture). It's her birthday today, so I though I'd say hello, and we began to chat about all the things that have happened since we last spoke. What strikes me the most now, afterwards, is that I can see how the terrible situation at work has drained all my energy for such a long time. I haven't even had the energy to stay in contact with people I used to spend so much time with and who meant so much to me. I think it has to do with the fact that I've felt so boring... as if I don't have anything fun to tell her... I would only have been able to tell her about all the problems. So I just didn't. It's probably a good sign that I did contact her today. This must mean that things are indeed lightening up.

Image found at Butterfly Rocket.

I felt like putting together a moodboard fitting for February. Some of the things I would really like to have whereas other things are more for inspiration. (I do know that I will need the blazer from Esprit sooner or later, since the black blazers from Marie Philippe I've been wearing so often for so many years begin to look... well... old and worn.) I wish you all a good weekend!

Images: The blazer comes from Esprit, the photo from the ice hotel in Jukkasjärvi was found at Anniz place, the skirt and the black handbag are from La Redoute, the tea is from TLC Cooking, the interior and the stack of cushions come from Shepherd, the chocolate truffles from Åre Chokladfabrik, the necklace can be found at Edblad & Co, the grey handbag from van Deurs was seen at Trendenser, the "semla" was found at Arla, and the blanket at H&M.

...is visible outside our window. I like that. It also feels great to know that a lazy weekend lies ahead, with only very little that has to be done. I'm not sure what we'll do, but that feels pretty okay. It would be great if we'd get some sun. I would like to be able take some sunny winter photos, but it all depends on the weather. Anyway... thank God it's Friday!

It's interesting, T. and I have been discussing for a long time now that it would be great if that kind of tablet computer was released, and we were really looking forward to anything Apple might present. Both of us are Apple veterans (since the early 1990s) even though we're not Apple fanatics by any means, we do like the intuitive and reliable OS, the often very nice design and the innovative thinking. We think the iPad would be very suitable for people like my father, who is not an avid computer user but curious nevertheless. The iPod is too small for him, but its simple interface would be very easy to navigate, and therefore the iPad might be the perfect solution. We just might buy one for him.

I was also happy to see the new jug Marigold designed by Filippa K for Rörstrand. I already have ten of them, but I really like them and wouldn't mine having a few more.

I also have some news on a more personal level. At work, decisions have been made to safeguard the financing of my project, which means that I will not have to have anything at all to do with the small clique that has tried to take control of the department. They are increasingly questioned and the stories the rest of us, both people still working within the department and those who have already left because of the bad work climate, have to tell are being told and heard. What will it lead to? I don't know. But the constant pressure and the lump in my throat is slowly decreasing.

I'm working so much right now, but occasionally I do look outside and realize that it is indeed getting lighter by the day. It's interesting in a way, because at some point around January 25 this realization seems to hit me every year. The most difficult part for me is always to decide that "I have worked enough for today" and pack everything up and decide to do something else. It probably has to do with the fact that I work from home most of the time as well. But in this case the light helps me as well, but this time it's the vanishing light. When it's dark outside I know the time has come to finish with what I'm doing. I really love to be able to live by the signs nature provides in this way.

And now it's time for dinner as well. Yeah, occasionally I do recognize those signs, too! :)

I decided to look to the Internet for some spring inspiration and found a whole bunch of things. It's not necessarily things I would want to have — well, a few of them I might not say no to — but rather things that triggers my imagination and give me input to what I would like to create in the future.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm referring to at the moment. I have a feeling that things will change soon, but I'm not sure in what direction and in what area. Well, well... Let's wait and see.

The images can be found at IKEA (cushion), Svenssons i Lammhult (chair), Designtorget (Magbag), Västerbottenskuriren (fireplace), Kvik (kitchen), Urban Living (bookshelf), Signerat (charm for daddy), Signerat (chopping board), Flickr (tulips), Slow muse (Floating in a Moon Green Pool), and Your Wallpaper (Cassandra Rhodin's wallpapers).

I have been debating with myself about whether to post anything about the catastrophe in Haiti or not. It can easily be seen as cynical attempt to draw interest to the blog, and that is definitely not my intention or wish. I would just like to add my voice to the chorus of voices around the world encouraging people to do something actively for the survivors of the earthquake in Haiti.

For a few years now my family has supported a young girl in Rwanda through the SOS Children's Villages. It has been a joy to see her grow and develop... to learn more about her everyday life. Knowing that SOS Children's Villages has two villages for orphaned children in Haiti, it was therefore self-evident for me to give what I could at the moment through the SOS Children's Villages organization. I will follow the developments closely, for instance on SOS Children's Villages' communications contact Georg Willeit's blog, and see to what extent I can help in the future as well.

It probably does not matter through which organization help is distributed as long as it arrives. Just help, please, and do not forget that the people of Haiti might need help for a long time to come. Just help...

Images from The Examiner and SOS Barnbyar.

I'm working a lot, T. is still finishing up in his old apartment, and the situation at work is improving, but it is improving in such a painfully slow way that it's a bit difficult to bear. I really wish it had been easier to sack people who are really behaving badly in various work situations — or in other situations for that matter. This situation drains our energy completely at times.

My reaction right now is simply: I don't want this anymore. I need to get away from this. At the same time I don't want to leave other people threading water in this mess. This is no fun at all.

Yesterday, T. and I were discussing plans for the summer and that, on the other hand, felt good. More of that please.

Images from My Own Home, Born to Wear, Flower Avenue, ICA, I love ECO, and Ellos.

I don't particularily believe in anything that might be called God and I don't consider myself religious, but I think I've always had some kind of belief in something that can be called basic human decency. I've felt that the majority of people I encounter are nice when you get to know them a bit.

Just as it is for most people, there have been times when my belief has been shaken throughout the years. In some cases I have felt that someone really wants to hurt me personally, that I have been the target of verbal and sometimes physical aggression. In these cases it has certainly been difficult to get away and my only way of coping has been to set up as many boundaries as I can. Lately I've learned that speaking about things openly is perhaps the best defence of them all. In other cases, I have felt that people don't target me because of who I am, but rather because of who they are. Something, their ambitions, their ego or perhaps something else, is driving them to the extent that they only see me as a hurdle that must be overcome. They don't see me as a human being, only as a rival. Talking about this is slightly more difficult, since it involves describing things that are often more diffuse, but, again, talking about it seems to be the best way to deal with this as well.

It makes me really sad when these things happen, but I have become better at standing up for myself and, as indicated above, also better at exposing these types of behaviour. I'm not scared as easily anymore. But I do get scars. It shakes my belief in the idea that human beings are nice deep down and subsequently it makes it more difficult to trust. It takes longer and longer for me to decide if I should trust someone and this worries me, because if I feel like this there are no doubt other people who feel like this as well.

In fact, we need more trust in our world, not less. Our society gets worse simply because people don't trust each other. Research has indeed shown that the lack of trust leads to a more polarized and unstable community. Nevertheless, right now it's rather difficult for me to really believe in happy endings, but I will try to think of other people's cynicism or malice merely as a sign of their lack of trust. Perhaps it thereby gets a bit easier to handle. Having said that, I also need to stress that I'm definitely not in favour of blind trust, but we do need to find ways to reverse the growing cynicism and violence in the world and close the gap between people. I know I'm just me, one single person, but, perhaps, if there are more people thinking like this, and recognizing this as important, we might be able to make a difference.

Or perhaps it's just me wanting to trust in something.

Someone I have admired and trusted has shown a side of himself that I don't find particularily attractive. I've learned that he sees distance and hierarchy as something essential and that he primarily judges people by their function in the hierarchy and not by who they are. Moreover, he seems to think that leaders never ought to be questioned and that the people "beneath" them should simply adhere to the rules and keep their mouths shut, regardless of how stupid those rules might be.

I do realise that we have grown up in different cultural spheres, and I also realise that his background has shaped him in a way that is very different from my own path in life, but I find his views rather offensive, especially in the light of what is going on at work. Well, at least I know where he stands, even though it was not a particularily enjoyable thing to find out.

It's still not particularily cold outside, but I really do enjoy the warmth from candles, the light from our Christmas stars in the windows, and a warm sweather at the moment. I'm wearing my new favourite tunic from Bon A'Parte and my warm and cozy slippers from Shepherd. We have lit tea lights in Fire ball from Holmegaard (that were a gift from T.'s uncle) and even though I'm mainly reading for work at the moment I'm really looking forward to begin reading Carl Johan Vallgren's Kunzelmann & Kunzelmann. On Friday my children will celebrate Lucia in school (even though the real Lucia day is on Sunday the 13th) and I have promised to bake chocolate muffins for that occasion. And no, chocolate muffins is not a traditional thing, but my youngest son has decided that this is what I'm supposed to bake, and I listen of course.

Work-wise things seem to be improving in more tangible ways as well, and even though I'm really looking forward to the Christmas holidays, it also feels good to know that the hard times hopefully are drawing to an end. Soon we might be getting the work climate we have wished and worked for.

Sorry about not blogging here for a while, but it seems as if my time outside work simply has evaporated. I have been travelling a lot but I have also usually been working around the clock, which means that I have had very little time to blog. It's not over yet, either, so I expect to get back to this blog only sporadically in the weeks to come as well. Hopefully it will get a little bit better as we move into November and December.

I'm enjoying the autumn, however, and while travelling it has been great to see the different types of autumn that can be found in different geographical areas. The photo shows what it looks like here where I live, but in some areas the autumn is more golden and in other darker. I tend to like all types. I have taken up some of my usual autumn habits again: drinking hot tea (usually Kusmi tea), lighting candles, and eating comfort food (which T. also loves).

Please don't let things like these happen! Frida could have lived, her two-year-old son and four-months-old daughter could still have had their mother, Frida's family could have had their daughter and sister for many more years. She was only 24 years old when she was killed last Wednesday, seemingly by her ex-boyfriend, the father of her children. Only hours before, she had won full custody of the two children and it seems that this was his revenge.

I know what it is like to live under threat. I know what it is like to have someone violating my home, barging into the apartment I have moved to with my children, shouting at me with black hatred in his eyes, and then stopping when he realises that I'm not alone, that I have a friend and her boyfriend there. I'm alive. She's dead. I wish she had had a friend there.

40 years ago, the world was still trying to adjust to the mindblowing idea that man had indeed managed to walk on the moon. Yesterday, Sweden woke up to the news that Swedish astronaut, Christer Fuglesang, had left the earth for the second time. (The first time was in December 2006.) He is going to spend almost two weeks working on the International Space Station together with his six crewmates on the Discovery space shuttle. On this journey, Fuglesang is scheduled to do work outside the shuttle twice, thus giving him the possibility for more spacewalks.

With the above as a backdrop, it was very interesting to read Sven Grahn's account (in Swedish) of how particle physicist Fuglesang, in the early 1990's, was selected for space training in the European space program. He has come a long way, and indeed struggled both in Russia and in the U.S. for the possibility to carry out the work he has trained for for so long. Good luck on this mission!

Image from the Tizona Group.

I've finished one of my larger tasks at work today and now it's time to let someone else take over. It has been an interesting and rewarding year in this leadership capacity. It has taught me a lot, but there have also been times when it has felt as if I've taken on too much and as if everything has been resting on my shoulders. I know my successor will do a good job and hopefully he will have more time to spare than I have had, juggling this, my other work and my family the way I did.

I will still be there as an advisor and join in on some of the things we have scheduled for the autumn, but my time in charge of it all has ended. It is somewhat bittersweet but also a relief...

We had a very interesting discussion yesterday and I was able to put many of my ideas about how people ought to behave towards each other into a context. Research shows that there are actually both societal and financial benefits to be had from acting decently. The idealist in me rejoices.

We were talking about sustainability, which of course primarily is centered around environmental issues. However, we also talked about an aspect that was equally important: the social one. If people don't trust each other, and that means consciously making an effort to create an environment where trust becomes possible, it will indeed be almost impossible to work for a sustainable society. People's willingness to put their ego aside is crucial for the outcome of the environmental struggle. Thank you, G.! It surely showed me a reason to keep on doing what I do. Relief.

It has been a rather eventful day at work, when I've had to fight for what I believe in. In my opinion, a workplace ought to be an open, honest, inspiring and challenging (in a good way) environment, and since this is not the case here I felt the need to speak up (in as balanced a way as I possibly could) when the opportunity arose. When returning home I was drained of energy and not entirely sure of whether I had said too much or not.

The weather outside reflects my wish for seclusion and recovery at the moment. It feels (and looks) as if the entire landscape is covered with cotton wool. Sleep tight!

Things are happening regarding my work situation. I am so very much done in my present context. Nothing here will take me any further on my journey and this is something of which I've become more and more certain in the last few months, but I haven't known where my future might lie.

Today, however, I saw a glimpse of where my path might lead next. It might be a short stop on the way or it might make a more lasting imprint on me and the things I do. I'm not sure if I dare to hope for the latter. What I really want and what I really need is to feel that there is meaning in what I do, something that gives me an opportunity and impulse to continue exploring, to learn more. It's happening now. The time has come to decide. I'm not leaving my old work context formally at this point, but I am indeed leaving nonetheless. In my mind. I'm sure it will materialize sooner or later in a hopefully productive and interesting way.